Desperados........

I really hadn't planned on another post just yet but that was before the events of the last couple of days and I really wanted to get this posted before the black helicopters arrive and I get a one-way ticket to Guantanamo. Why would I talk about going to Gitmo? you might ask......... I'm here to tell ya.

A couple of days ago I whip out the ol' debit card to get a little something at Chipotle (everybody says "Mmmmmmm, Chipotle") but something's wrong. The machine won't allow the transaction. The clerk is puzzled and says, "It's not denying the transaction, but it's not allowing it either." So I pay in cash and tell Mary we need to call Chase Bank, which up to now has been a delight to work with.

According to Chase Bank our account has been flagged as suspicious and the balance is now such that we owe them $1,999,999.99! Yep, that's gettin' pretty close to a couple million dollars...... Why is it suspicious (other than this new balance)? Mary does daycare. And she does it for far less than she should. As a result she makes several small deposits to the account each week. Several small deposits per week (my payroll direct deposit being the only exception) has apparently drawn suspicion from the computers at Chase Bank. I guess we look like some kind of money laundering operation or drug cartel. But I always thought those guys dealt with big money. I'd think your smart computer would be on the lookout for large cash deposits, not several small ones, or at least a whole lot of small deposits that end up being a big pile o' cash. And the balance owed to the bank (which is pretty much going to wipe out my payroll deposit tomorrow.......)? That's how they flag the account and freeze the assets before closing the account permanently in ten days! What?

So, at this point I'm assuming that we don't have enough cash influx to trigger the drug cartel alarms at Chase, so they must assume these small checks and handfuls of cash must be small donations to our local Queen Creek terrorist cell group. Maybe they've seen the small cadre of folks that come to the house on Wednesday nights for Bible study and Thursday nights for prayer. That's why I'm expecting Homeland Security to bust down the doors any minute now and whisk us away for an all expense paid vacation to some exclusive terrorist interrogation facility. Hope the weather's nice.......

The next day Mary talks with a branch manager. One of the nice things about Chase is that you can still do that and they're actually very helpful. Well, they are I guess unless you're a suspected terrorist cell leader or something. "Sorry. Nothing we can do. Your account will be closed and any monies in it or soon to be deposited in it will be frozen for the next ten days and then we'll write you a check for the balance." Gee, I hope they can back out that 2 mil before they try to write the check or I'm going to have some bounced check fees too.

I'm sorry, but does this sound like a reasonable approach to doing business? I don't think so. I'm going to be writing some letters to Chase executives telling them as much. I should have plenty of time from my cell.........